Rhapsody on a Theme of iGoodbye
by FourHourShower
Summary: Do you believe in parallel universes? Here is a set of twenty four one-shot "variations," or parallel universe "remixes", of the opening scene of iGoodbye, the iCarly series finale. Each one increasingly more bizarre for your amusement. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own the rights to iCarly nor iGoodbye.**

* * *

 **Variation 1** -

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

CARLY: "What? No. ...Maybe, why?"

SAM: "Look what I made in shop class." (Sam pulls out a wooden board with nails poking through it)

CARLY: "A dangerous piece of wood with nails?"

SAM: (sticks board to a locker door) "It's a back scratcher."

CARLY: "A back scratcher?"

SAM: "Take your shirt off."

CARLY: "What? No!"

SAM: "Oh, it's alright. The nails will work right through your shirt."

Sam takes a hold of Carly's body and tries to rub her gently against the backscratcher.

CARLY: "No, Sam I don't want to do it."

SAM: "Come on Carly."

CARLY: "Sam, I don't want to _try_ it."

SAM: "Come _on_ Carly just put your back on the back scratcher."

CARLY: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then..."

SAM: "It's okay."

CARLY (grinding her back against the backscratcher): (gradually more relaxed) "Oh... oh... oh that's nice." Carly smiles. Sam nods knowingly.

Carly relaxes further, closing her eyes, rubbing her back against the backscratcher for an awkwardly long time.

SAM: "Uhh, Carly?"

Carly, smiling and enjoying her backscratcher, doesn't respond.

SAM: "Carly? Don't you think you've had enough?"

CARLY: "Go away Sam. Just leave me here for a few more minutes."

SAM: "Whatevs. Just put that in your locker when you're done with it will ya? Don't let any of the teachers see it."

Sam walks away as Carly stays grinding her back against the locker door, a gentle smile on her face.

Freddie walks up to Carly.

FREDDIE: "A back scratcher? Sam already made me try it."

Freddie turns around to reveal the back of his shirt full of little rips in the fabric.

Carly keeps rubbing herself up against the backscratcher, gazing dreamily at Freddie.

FREDDIE: "Whatevs. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Freddie walks away.

Gibby walks into the scene, and stops when he sees Carly sliding her back up and down against her locker. She seems like she's in a dreamy stupor. Her soft, rapturous gaze at him freezes Gibby in his tracks. He watches her for a few seconds.

GIBBY: "Hmm. Interesting. You know, I'd bet that thing would be _great_ for popping bacne zits."

Carly vaguely nods her head as she continues grinding against the backscratcher.

Gibby walks away.

The scene transitions to 5:45 pm. School has long finished for the day. The hallways are silent and empty. Only Carly remains, still slowly rubbing her back against the backscratcher on her locker. A janitor mops the floor around Carly's feet.

JANITOR: "Careful when you walk on the floor."

The janitor walks away. The lights in the hallway turn off, leaving Carly in the dark. Carly stays at her locker, slowly sliding up and down, side to side, up and down, side to side...


	2. Chapter 2

**Variation 2 -**

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

CARLY: "What? No. ...Maybe, why?"

SAM: "Look what I made in shop class." (pulls out a wooden board with nails poking through it)

CARLY: "A dangerous piece of wood with nails?"

SAM: (sticks board to a locker door) "It's a back scratcher."

CARLY: "A back scratcher?"

SAM: "Take your shirt off."

CARLY: "What? No!"

SAM: "Oh, it's alright. The nails will work right through your shirt."

Sam takes a hold of Carly's body and tries to rub her gently against the backscratcher.

CARLY: "No, Sam I don't want to do it."

SAM: "Come on Carly."

CARLY: "Sam, I don't want to _try_ it."

SAM: "Come _on_ Carly just put your back on the back scratcher."

CARLY: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then when I do I always regret it! So STOP! Get your hands OFF me!"

Carly pushes Sam away.

SAM: "God! You never trust me with anything! If it's _your_ idea, somehow it's fine. But if it's _my_ idea, you think it's too dangerous."

CARLY: "Well I'm just getting sick of you putting your hands on me and telling me to do things. I'm _sick_ of it! So just back off a bit, Sam! Please!"

SAM: "Fine. You know what Carly, whatever. I'm heading to class." Sam takes her back scratcher and storms off angrily.

Carly, now trembling a bit with anxiety, goes back to organizing her locker. But she can't really focus. She slams her locker door shut, picks up her school bag and heads for the bathroom, crying.


	3. Chapter 3

**Variation 3-**

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

CARLY: "What? No. ...Maybe, why?"

SAM: "Look what I (snickers) _'made in shop class'._ " (pulls a Hitachi Magic Wand out of her schoolbag.)

Carly's eyes widen in shock.

SAM: "It's a (winks) _'back scratcher'._ "

Carly (whispering): "Are you _crazy?_ You're gonna get us expelled. Put that away."

SAM: "Take your shirt off."

CARLY: "What? No!"

SAM: "Oh, it's alright. The wand will work right through your shirt."

Sam takes a hold of Carly's body and tries to rub her back gently against the buzzing Hitachi Magic Wand in her hand.

CARLY: "No, Sam I don't want to do it."

SAM: "Come on Carly."

CARLY: "Sam, I don't want to _try_ it."

SAM: "Come _on_ Carly just put your back on the Magic Wand."

CARLY: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then..."

SAM: "It's okay."

CARLY (grinding her back against the Magic Wand): (gradually more relaxed) "Oh... oh... oh that's nice." Carly smiles. Sam nods knowingly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Variation 4-**

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

CARLY: "What? No. ...Maybe, why?"

SAM: "Look what I made in shop class." (pulls out a wooden board with nails poking through it)

CARLY: "A dangerous piece of wood with nails?"

SAM: (sticks board to a locker door) "It's a back scratcher."

CARLY: "A back scratcher?"

SAM: "Take your shirt off."

CARLY: "What? No!"

SAM: "Oh, it's alright. The nails will work right through your shirt."

Sam takes a hold of Carly's body and tries to rub her gently against the backscratcher.

CARLY: "Hey, don't _shove_ me."

Carly shoves Sam back forcefully.

SAM: "Hey, don't shove _me!"_ Pushes Carly.

CARLY: "You shoved me _first!"_ Pushes Sam.

Sam grabs hold of Carly's hair, yanking at it. Carly grabs at Sam's arms, and throws wild slaps at Sam's head. Sam and Carly start fighting, slapping and kicking wildly.

The teacher Ms. Briggs runs towards the fight, stepping in between them.

MS. BRIGGS: "STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU STOP IT!"

Carly throws a few wild slaps, two of them striking Ms. Briggs in the face, knocking her glasses off to the floor, breaking instantly. Sam and Carly choke and claw at eachother's faces. They fall to the floor, Sam on top of Carly. Kids are starting to crowd around to watch the fight. A male teacher rushes in and grabs Sam around her waist, pulling her off of Carly.

MALE TEACHER: "WHOA! STOP! CALM DOWN!"

SAM: "She _started_ it!"

CARLY (standing up): "No I _didn't!"_

Ms. Briggs takes Carly by the arm.

MS. BRIGGS: "Come with me to the principal's office NOW!"

Carly jerks her arm away from Ms. Brigg's grasp.

CARLY: "Don't _TOUCH_ ME!"

MS. BRIGGS: "TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!"

MALE TEACHER: "What's this?!" He points at the backscratcher protruding nail-board hanging on Carly's locker. "Why is this on your locker?!"

CARLY: "IT'S NOT _MINE!_ SAM _PUT_ IT THERE!"

SAM: "Shut your mouth you snitch."

MALE TEACHER (tugging at Sam's arm): "HEY! WATCH it!"

Ms. Briggs guides Carly away. Carly, face scratched, breathing heavily, walks with Ms. Briggs towards the principal's office. The male teacher takes the backscratcher board off of Carly's locker.

MALE TEACHER (to Sam): "Come with me."

He guides Sam also towards the principal's office.

The crowd of students who witnessed everything start talking and giggling and laughing amongst them selves. Their commotion gradually gets louder and louder.

Both Carly and Sam recieve harsh suspensions for fighting. Carly is suspended from school for two weeks for fighting and striking a school faculty member. Sam faces permanent expulsion pending hearing for possession of a dangerous weapon on school property. Ridgeway High School files a police report for the incident.

There was no iCarly webcast that evening, in case anyone's wondering.


	5. Chapter 5

**Variation 5-**

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

CARLY: "What? No. ...Maybe, why?"

SAM: "Look what I made in shop class." (Sam pulls out a wooden board with nails poking through it)

CARLY: "A dangerous piece of wood with nails?"

SAM: (sticks board to a locker door) "It's a back scratcher."

CARLY: "A back scratcher?"

SAM: "Take your shirt off."

CARLY: "What? No!"

SAM: "Oh, it's alright. The nails will work right through your shirt."

Sam takes a hold of Carly's body and tries to rub her gently against the backscratcher.

CARLY: "No, Sam I don't want to do it."

SAM: "Come on Carly."

CARLY: "Sam, I don't want to _try_ it."

SAM: "Come _on_ Carly just put your back on the back scratcher."

CARLY: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then..."

SAM: "It's okay."

Sam grinds Carly's back against the backscratcher.

CARLY: "Ow! I think you just popped a pimple on my back."

SAM: "Gross."

CARLY (wincing): "It really hurts. I think it might get infected."

Carly steps away from the locker, and tries to look at her back over her shoulder. The back of Carly's shirt is ripped open and part of her back is bleeding. Sam discovers pimples cover much of Carly's upper and middle back.

SAM: "Oh, chizz. I'm sorry. (Laughs) Say, that's some pretty wild bacne you got there."

Some kids start to crowd around Carly and Sam, laughing.

Sam puts some pimple cream on her finger and applies it to Carly's back.

SAM: "Here, try this."

CARLY: "AAAH! It burns so much!"

The kids laugh some more

CARLY: "Hey, get out of here! We're not doing a webshow for your amusement here! Scram!"

The students sing teasingly "Carly has bacne! Carly has bacne!"

SAM: **"** ** _HEY!"_**

Sam picks up the board with the protruding nails, and holds it up threateningly at the kids. They run off like cowards.

CARLY: "Has it stopped bleeding?"

SAM: "No. Not yet. You know, I know a pretty good dermatologist, if you're interested."


	6. Chapter 6

**Variation 6** -

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

Carly doesn't acknowledge Sam's presence.

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

Carly doesn't reply.

SAM: "Look what I made in shop class." (Sam pulls out a wooden board with nails poking through it)

Carly doesn't reply.

SAM: (sticks board to a locker door) "It's a back scratcher."

Carly doesn't reply.

SAM: "Take your shirt off."

Carly doesn't reply.

SAM: "Hey Carls. Uh, Carly. Hey! Hell- _lo!_ "

No reply.

Without ever making eye contact, Carly shuts her locker door and walks away, without saying a word.


	7. Chapter 7

**Variation 7-**

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her. Without saying a word, Sam just pulls out the backscratcher, sticks it on a locker door, grabs Carly, and slams her repeatedly against the backscratcher. _BANG BANG BANG!_ Carly screams, falls to the floor, crying in pain. Sam just walks away, taking her backscratcher with her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Variation 8-**

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carl-."

Some boy, distracted by texting, bumps right into Sam's back by accident.

SAM: "AAAAWWWWWW!" Sam's face goes beet-red in excruciating pain.

CARLY (nervously): "SAM?! WHAT'S WRONG?!"

SAM: "...my back... oww.. ARRGGHH, my BACK!"

Sam, panicking, pushes the arm straps of her blue backpack off her shoulders, but the backpack somehow stays stuck to Sam's back.

CARLY: "Holy chizz! How is your schoolbag still on?!"

SAM: (crying) "My backpack. Get it. Get it off."

Carly grabs hold of the schoolbag and pulls gently. Sam SCREAMS in horrifying pain.

SAM: "STOP! STOP! OW... OH HO..OH. OH NO!"

Carly, getting nervous, opens the zipper of the backpack and looks inside. She sees a wooden board with a bunch of nails poking out of them has been slammed directly into Sam's back. She puts her hands to her mouth in horror.

CARLY: "Ho my gohd. Whot is thot thing?"

SAM (wincing, in tears): "It's a... It's a back scratcher."

(laugh track)

A crowd of kids gathers around, freaking out, talking amongst themselves. Sam falls to her knees. Carly holds her hand.

CARLY: "Give her some space! Move!"

The teacher, Ms. Briggs comes in. When she sees the board and the blood in Sam's schoolbag, she panics. Ms. Briggs grabs hold of a short kid.

MS. BRIGGS: "Go to the nurse's office and call for help!"

KID: "I dunno where the nurse's office is."

TEACHER: "Oh for crying out loud. DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE THE NURSE'S OFFICE IS? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THE NURSE'S-"

ANOTHER RANDOM KID (yelling): "I JUST CALLED 9-1-1 ON MY PEARPHONE! Paramedics are on their way!"

Sam's eyes are rolling to the back of her head. Sam collapses, passes out from the pain. CARLY: "Sam?! Sam?! Answer me!"

Ms. Briggs pulls Carly away.

CARLY: "NO! SAM!"

Carly starts having a panic attack.

CARLY: "NYEEAA! NYEEEEEEEAAH!"

Two Paramedics, a tall man and a shorter woman, arrive on the scene. The tall paramedic shoves some kids out of the way.

PARAMEDIC 1: "OUT OF THE WAY stupid kid!"

PARAMEDIC 1: (to Sam) "MISS. CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

PARAMEDIC 2: "Vitals are not good."

Some of the younger students are crying, clearly traumatized by what they're witnessing.

PARAMEDIC 1 (to the crowd of bystanders): "OKAY, WE NEED EVERYBODY TO BACK AWAY A FEW STEPS! STEP BACK A FEW STEPS! WE NEED ROOM TO WORK."

Some kids clumsily back away but not by much.

PARAMEDIC 2: "She's losing a lot of blood, Paul."

PARAMEDIC 1: "Still unresponsive."

PARAMEDIC 2: "Unresponsive."

PARAMEDIC 1 (getting up, facing crowd): "OKAY. I'LL SAY IT AGAIN. BACK AWAY FROM THE AREA, PLEASE!"

The kid who bumped into Sam in the first place continues texting on his PearPhone, oblivious to what's going on. He walks away from the scene.


	9. Chapter 9

**Variation 9 -**

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

CARLY: "What? No. ...Maybe, why?"

SAM: "Akkh, 'cause I'm itching all over. I don't know what's going on but all day I've been noticing kids are scratching their skin and looking really uncomfortable."

Carly stares at Sam silently. She suddenly starts scratching herself all over.

CARLY: "I thought _I_ was the only one!"

Sam and Carly can't resist the urge to scratch themselves. They're scratching their backs and arms when Freddie walks in, awkwardly trying to reach behind his back.

FREDDIE: "My back is so itchy."

CARLY: "You too? Yeah, we were just talking about this."

SAM: "Join the club."

Gibby walks in.

GIBBY: "Hey, you guys too? Oh man. Must be that new flesh-eating bacteria that's been going around."

CARLY AND SAM: "WHAT?!"

GIBBY: "Hyeah! Haven't you heard? It's been all over the news for weeks! It's been spreading over from Mexico."

CARLY: "We're _kids!_ We never watch the _news!_ "

GIBBY: "Yep. _Gotta_ be paying attention to what's going on in the world. Whew! I'm glad I got my vaccine _weeks_ ago. Ah well. See ya later, gators." (walks away).

SAM (scratching): "That _punk!_ He knew this was spreading around and he didn't warn us?!"

FREDDIE: "He _does_ have a point. Young people these days _are_ dangerously misinformed about what's happening in the world today."

Sam and Carly look at Freddie angrily, and suddenly pounce on him, knocking him to the floor and start clawing and scratching at him.

FREDDIE: "Awwww, YEAH! _That's_ it! _THAT'S_ the spot! Ahhhh..."

(laugh track)


	10. Chapter 10

**Variation 10** -

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

Carly's dad walks into the shot.

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me_?"

Carly and Sam snort and laugh.

SAM: "Wrong scene, asshole!"

CARLY: "HAHAHAHA!"

DIRECTOR: "Cut. (laughs)"


	11. Chapter 11

**Inspired by:**

 **Sergei Rachmaninov - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Variation 11 - Moderato**

* * *

 **Variation 11** -

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

CARLY: "What? No. ...Maybe, why?"

Carly's father walks into the shot.

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me_?"

CARLY: "DAD!" Carly runs up to her dad and hugs him.

CARLY'S DAD: "Carly, it's so good to see you. But you have to know I'm leaving tonight. They need me back at the base in Italy. Why don't you come with me?"

CARLY: "But dad, my friends are here..."

CARLY'S DAD: "There's a lot of handsome guys your age in Italy."

CARLY: "OKAY!"

Carly hugs her dad, getting lost inside Colonel Shay's arms.

Sam looks on, quietly. Somberly. How could this guy just come in, out of the blue, and take the one thing that really matters in my life away from me?

SAM: "Wait, so you're just going to leave? Just like that?"

CARLY: "Don't worry, Sam. I'll see you in a little bit when I pack my bags. Oh! Call or text Freddie and Gibby for me to let them know the good news! I'll see you later!"

Sam watches Carly and her dad, arm in arm, slowly walking down the hall. They open the metal doors in the distance and walk out of the school. The metal doors slowly clank shut behind them. Clank shut, like the sounds of the caged cells in juvie.

Sam has often felt cold and alone.

But right now, Sam has never felt so cold. So alone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Variation 12** -

In a graveyard. Around four in the afternoon. A gentle rain falls on the trees and the grass. Sam, in a black jacket and black boots on the wet ground, walks up the grass towards a tombstone.

Sam crouches down by a grave. She takes the schoolbag off her shoulder.

SAM: "Hey Carls. ... Look what I made in shop class. It's a back scratcher."

Sam carefully leans the backscratcher against the side of the tombstone. Sam crouches silently, watching the rain patter gently on the small tombstone.

SAM: "I thought maybe you'd like it... (long pause) _(sighs)_ It's not the same without you Carly. I really miss you. We _all_ do. (long pause)... Anyway. I hope you're doing okay. Wherever you are."

Sam slowly stands up, picking up her school bag, sighing. She stands quietly by Carly's grave for a moment, watching the rain gently patter on the stone. She looks up. Rain lightly drops on Sam's face. Sam looks down with a slow deep breath. She turns, and slowly walks away across the wet grass, lifting her schoolbag onto her shoulder.

* * *

 **Inspired by:**

 **Sergei Rachmaninov - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Variation 12 - Tempo di minuetto**


	13. Chapter 13

**Variation 13-**

At the MacAllan Air Force Base, the Father Daughter Dance is underway. The atmosphere is one of a masquerade ball. Long, flowing crimson red drapery are suspended over the walls. Deep red Chinese lanterns hang from the ceiling, orbiting like planets around one beautiful Russian crystal chandelier.

Along with many father daughter couples, Carly and her father, wearing masquerade masks, are on the dance floor waltzing under the crimson red lighting of the ballroom.

In a darkened corner of the dance hall, standing against a wall, Sam, herself wearing a masquerade mask, inconspicuously stands alone, watching the dancers. She recognizes Carly's pink little dress swaying around with a debutante's grace, waltzing on the dancefloor. ONE two three, ONE two three. Below Carly's eye mask, Sam sees the corners of Carly's mouth clearly smiling, happily embraced in her father's arms. Sam looks at Colonel Shay's head. His greying hair. His dark blue Air Force uniform. His very physical existence. Sam takes a deep breath, trying to contain the anger seething underneath her chest.

In the middle of a 19th century waltz, Sam makes her move. She feels as if her body is moving automatically, independent of her conscious control. She slowly walks on to the dance floor, into the red glow of the lights, her hands held behind her back. She makes her way in a straight unperturbed line. Masked, dancing and _happy_ father-daughter couples swaying all around her like ghosts, ONE two three, ONE two three...

Sam steps up to Carly and Colonel Shay, mid-stride. Sam takes off her mask.

SAM: "Hey Carls."

CARLY: "Sam?! What's up? What are you _doing_ here?"

SAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

CARLY: "What? No. ...Maybe, why?"

SAM: "Look what I made in shop class."

Sam reveals what she's holding behind her back. It's a wooden board with nails protruding out of it.

SAM: "It's a backscratcher."

CARLY'S DAD: "A backscratcher?"

SAM (turns her gaze to Carly's father, calmly): "Take your shirt off."

CARLY'S DAD: "WhaT? No!"

SAM: "Oh, it's alright. The nails will work right through your shirt."

Sam lifts the backscratcher over her head. In the crimson red light of the ballroom, Sam's face screws up into a violent, maniacal snarl.

* * *

Inspired by: Sergei Rachmaninov - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Variation 13 - Allegro


	14. Chapter 14

**Variation 14 -**

Carly and Sam, dressed as WonderWoman and SuperGirl respectively, are flying through the air at full speed, soaring above the clouds.

SUPERSAM: "Hey Carls."

WONDERCARLY: "Hey Sam."

SUPERSAM: "Does any part of you itch?"

WONDERCARLY: "What? No! ... ...maybe, why?"

SUPERSAM: "Look what I made in shopclass."

SuperSam's eyes begin to glow red.

WONDERCARLY: "A contagious-looking case of pink-eye?"

SUPERSAM: "It's a backscratcher."

WONDERCARLY: "A back scratcher?"

SUPERSAM: "Take your shirt off."

WONDERCARLY (putting her hands to her red and gold bustier): "What? No!"

SUPERSAM: "Oh, it's alright. The lasers will work right through your shirt."

SuperSam, in mid-flight along side WonderCarly, grabs a hold of WonderCarly's body and tries to zap her eyeball-lasers onto WonderCarly's back.

WONDERCARLY (resisting SuperSam's grasp): "No, Sam I don't want to do it."

SUPERSAM: "Come on Carly."

WONDERCARLY: "Sam, I don't want to try it."

SUPERSAM: "Come on Carly just let me put your back under the back scratcher."

WONDERCARLY: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then..."

SuperSam positions her body to fly directly above WonderCarly, and fires her eye-lasers on to WonderCarly's back.

SUPERSAM: "It's okay."

WonderCarly starts calming down, and begins to relax as SuperSam's eyeball-lasers tickle her back.

WONDERCARLY (gradually more relaxed, smiling): "Oh... oh... oh that's nice."

SuperSam nods knowingly.

* * *

Inspired by: Sergei Rachmaninov - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Variation 14 - L'istesso tempo


	15. Chapter 15

**Variation 15 -**

In the hallways of Ridgeway High School. Carly is at her locker. Sam walks towards her.

SAM: "Hey, hey Carls."

CARLY: "Hey what's up?"

SAM: "Does any part of you-

A voice comes on the school Public Announcement system.

VOICE: "Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_?..."

SAM: "-itch? - What the hell is that?"

CARLY (looking up at the PA speakers, confused): "I dunno. It kinda sounds like my _dad_."

SAM: "- Anyways, look what I made in shop class." (Sam pulls out a wooden board with nails poking through it)

CARLY: "A dangerous piece of wood with nails?"

SAM: (sticks board to a locker door) "It's a back- "

Carly's dad walks into the shot.

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

SAM: "-scratch-er..."

CARLY (ecstatic): "DAD!"

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

Carly hugs her dad, but her body language is a little uncertain as he continues repeating his line.

CARLY'S DAD (to Carly): "Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

CARLY (laughing): "Dad, what's gotten into you?"

SAM: "Carly would you pay attention to me?"

CARLY'S DAD (turning to Sam): "Not even _me_?"

CARLY: "Wait, what? A back scratcher?"

SAM: "Take your shirt off-"

CARLY'S DAD (in Sam's face): "Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

CARLY: "What? No!"

SAM (trying to look around Colonel Shay's body to look at Carly): "Oh, it's alright. The nails will-

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

SAM: "The _nails_ will-

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

SAM (in Carly's Dad's face): **_"OH GOD DAMN IT, GO TO HELL!"_**

Sam takes a hold of Carly's hand and leads her away from the area. Carly's Dad follows them down the hallway

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

CARLY: "No, Sam I don't want to go."

SAM: "Come on Carly."

CARLY: "Sam, but my _dad_."

SAM: "Come _on_ Carly just come with me."

CARLY: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then..."

SAM (leading Carly into the girl's bathroom): "It's okay."

The school's PA intercom system comes on, even louder and more insistent than before.

VOICE: "Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_?'

CARLY: "That's so strange! Why is my dad behaving like this?"

SAM: "I don't know. Maybe the government was really messing with his brai-"

CARLY (interrupting, looking at her phone): "Hold on, I'm getting an email from my dad."

SAM: "What's it say?"

CARLY: "It says 'Not even _me_?' over and over again like twenty four times!"

SAM: "What the hell is _wrong_ with him?"

Carly's dad walks into the girl's bathroom.

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

SAM: " **HEY!** This wazzer is for girls only!"

CARLY'S DAD: "Not even _me?"_

SAM: (chuckles)

Sam suddenly feels Carly grabbing hold of her arms, forcefully, from behind.

SAM (calmly): "Carls? What are you doing?"

CARLY: "Only the inevitable."

Carly strengthens her arm grips inside Sam's elbows, leading her slowly towards a bathroom stall.

CARLY'S DAD (following the girls into the open toilet stall): "Not even _me_? Not even _me_? Not even _me_?"

SAM (trying to break free of Carly's grasp): "Carly, stop."

CARLY: "Come on Sam."

Inside the bathroom stall, Carly pushes Sam lower to the floor, grabs hold of Sam's hair, and guides Sam's head towards the toilet.

SAM: "No, Carly I don't want to do it."

CARLY: "Come _on_ Sam just put your head in the head scratcher."

SAM: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then..."

CARLY: "It's okay."

Sam stops struggling as she feels both Carly's _and_ Carly's father's hands on her head, holding Sam's head right over the open toilet bowl.

SAM: "I guess I can't trust _anybody_ in this world, huh?"

CARLY (in Sam's ear, slyly): "Not even _me?"_

Carly and her dad dunk Sam's head into the icy cold toilet water. The shock of the cold water and the sudden feeling of complete suffocation knocks Sam straight up off her pillow.

She glances around her room. Completely dark.

Breathing heavily, her pajamas t-shrit in a cold sweat, she reaches over for her digital alarm clock. 6:02am. In a couple of hours, Sam has to be at Ridgeway High.


	16. Chapter 16

**Variation 16** -

In the woods at midnight, under a bright full moon. The woods are lit up in dim silver-blue moonlight. There, Carly is dressed in a long black gown. Her fingernails are painted black. She has black eyeliner and black lipstick on her pale white-powdered face. An inverted pentagram pendant hangs from her neck.

Sam, dressed in slightly tattered, all black goth clothing, walks into the clearing. She carries in her gloved hands some poison ivy, and a dozen roses with very, very thorny stems.

A man with a black hood over his head is tied up with his arms and legs held open spread eagle between two trees. Goth Carly is securely fastening the ropes. In a bizarre cult ritual, Goth Carly places tealight candles in the outline of a pentagram on the ground around the tied man's body as she chants _"Dies irae dies illa. Solvet saeculum in favilla, Teste David cum Sibylla."_

When the last candle is lit, Goth Carly steps away, and picks up a black leather-bound book. Goth Sam slowly walks around the hooded tied up man, rubbing a lace-gloved hand over his shirt, up the chest, over his shoulder, and as she walks around him, her hand slides down his back. Goth Sam grabs hold of the hood, and lifts it off his head.

Freddie Benson, hair dishevelled, scared as chizz, looks Sam in the eye.

SAM: "Hello, Fredward. Look what I made in shop class."

FREDDIE: "Uhh... poison ivy and roses?"

SAM (laughing under her breath): "It's a back scratcher."

FREDDIE: "A back scratcher?"

SAM: "Take your shirt off."

FREDDIE (confused, looking at his tied wrists): "...umm...I _can't."_

SAM (confused): "Oh, yeah. Oh it's alright. The thorns will work right through your shirt."

FREDDIE: _"Esto est_ á _jodido."_

SAM: "Ready, Fredward?"

FREDDIE: "Umm... I... uh... I _really_ don't know."

Sam walks behind Freddie, gently teasing the backs of his neck and ears with the rose stems.

Carly reads out from the leather-bound book, chanting.

CARLY: _"Dies irae dies illa. Solvent speculum and five in a hand..."_

FREDDIE: "No, Sam I don't want to do it."

SAM: "Come on Freddie."

FREDDIE: "Sam, I don't want to _try_ it."

Sam lashes the thorny stems against Freddies' back four times, making rips in the back of his shirt.

CARLY: (reading, chanting): _"Testes David comes E-billy...yeah..."_

Sam slips her fingers into the tears in Freddie's shirt, and rips the fabric wide open, revealing his bare back and his shitty boy-muscles. She lashes him on the bare skin of his back with the thorny roses four times.

FREDDIE: "OWWW! Sheez! Buy a guy a _drink_ first!"

CARLY (reading, chanting in her Americanized butchered Latin): _"Quantum Trevor is foot Euros..."_

SAM: "Come _on_ Freddie just accept the back scratcher."

FREDDIE: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then..."

SAM (rubbing poison ivy into Freddie's wounded back): "It's okay."

FREDDIE: (his face looks shocked, then gradually more relaxed, smiling) "Oh... oh... oh that's nice."

Sam nods knowingly.

CARLY (reading, chanting): _"Quanto who dat Ace Venturas?."_

* * *

Inspired by:

Sergei Rachmaninov - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Variation 16 - Allegretto


	17. Chapter 17

**Variation 17** -

At an industrial harbor, in the middle of the night. A dense fog hangs over the harbor. Carly stands by a metal railing wearing a long khaki trench coat, wearing a fedora hat on her head, smoking a cigarette. Sam, also in a long khaki trenchcoat and fedora, quietly walks up to Carly from behind. But _you_ couldn't tell the trench coats were khaki-colored, because the scene is all in black and white, shee?

Sam walks up to Carly, and stands at her side, looking out into the water, never making eye contact. The tiny light of a tugboat out in the distant open water gently blows its horn into the dense, silent fog.

SAM: "Hey Carlsh."

CARLY: "Hey Sham."

SAM: "Doesh any part of you itsch?"

CARLY: "No. ... _(long pause)..._ Maybe. ... _(long pause)_ ... Why?"

Sam, her eyes cautiously shifting from side to side, carefully, discretely, unveils a small object hidden in the inside breast pocket of her trenchcoat. Sam flips open a leather wallet, revealing a police badge.

SAM: "Itsh a backshcratsher, shee?"

CARLY: (takes a drag of her smoke, very long pause, calmly) "...I'm not the type to scratsch the itschy backsh of crooked copsh."

Carly flicks her cigarette into the lake below. Carly walks away.

Sam rests her hands on the cold steel hand railing, looking down into the splashing lake directly below her. She slowly turns her head to see Carly silently walk away from her, into the fog. Into the night.

* * *

Scene set to the music of Sergei Rachmaninov - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Variation 17 - (Allegretto)


	18. Chapter 18

**Variation 18** -

By the sea, just before dawn. A pale blue seeps into the eastern sky. A thin red line slowly draws a new horizon out in the distance. Carly stands alone on the beach, watching the pre-dawn sunrise, a long thin sweater wrapped around her body in the cool morning air. The dark, gentle tide slides in and out around the skin on Carly's feet.

Sam, stepping slowly across the sands, walks gently, approaching Carly's side.

SAM (quietly): "Hey Carls."

CARLY (turns to Sam, looking into her eyes, smiling): "Hey Sam."

Sam takes Carly's hands into her own.

SAM: "I just want you to know... that... I love you. Thank you for being there for me. Since we were kids. We shared a childhood. The only childhood we had. Still, we shared it. Thanks so much for being my best friend. I love you."

Carly and Sam embrace, holding eachother closely.

CARLY (whispering): "Thank you."

Burying their heads in eachother's shoulders, both Carly and Sam gradually begin to feel the warming, unconditional blanket of the golden sun's touch climbing towards them. Sam and Carly turn their heads to face the dazzling horizon, their arms around eachother's shoulders, and silently watch the golden sun rise together. Carly softly rubs her hand across her friend's back.

The water, the sand, the entire Earth, is gradually, slowly bathed in full golden sunlight as the glorious, life-giving sun, a positive vibration of warmth and vision, rises up. A soft tear pools in Sam's eye, as the golden-orange light's reflection makes the tiny tear in her eye shine like a diamond.

Sam feels the palm of Carly's hand searching for hers. Their hands clasp together as they stand looking out on the vast ocean of shimmering light before them. This one golden moment. Two best friends sharing the air they breathe. Experiencing the same fleeting moment. A memory that should last forever, but both know, bittersweetly, a memory that will one day fade for the last time, once the last one closes her eyes on this world, on some distant day.

Carly thinks about her father. And about how much she misses him so. A part of her wants to stay here with Sam like this, forever. But there is something Carly needs to tell her best friend. But now _couldn't_ be the moment that must come to an end. This moment can't end like all the other moments do. Could it? The hidden news is aching in Carly's heart. The hidden news hurts, like a painful, fearful lump in Carly's throat. Reluctantly. Sadly. Carly turns to face Sam.

* * *

Sergei Rachmaninov - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Variation 18 - Andante cantabile


	19. Chapter 19

**Variation 19** -

In some dark, secret, cavernous underground military base. Carly is running very, VERY quietly, hunched over, stealthily across a metal catwalk. She crouches behind a metal crate, carefully scanning her surroundings. She's dressed in an all-black spy outfit. Her black pistol equipped with a silencer clasped in her gloved hand.

Sam, also in an all-black spy suit, spots Carly's movements from her hiding place behind a concrete column. Sam sneakily runs behind Carly, careful not to make a sound, and catches up to her partner.

AGENT PUCKETT (whispering) : " _Hey Carls."_

AGENT SHAY (whispering): " _Hey Sam."_

AGENT PUCKETT (whispering): _"Gold Codes Biscuit retrieved, electrical circuits cut."_

AGENT SHAY (whispering): _"Good."_

"They're over there!" calls out a voice somewhere in the darkness. Spurts of gun fire starts ringing out towards their direction. Carly and Sam hear the ricochetting of stray bullets around their heads, striking the metal crate protecting them. They duck their heads and keep moving, staying low, guns in hand. Agent Shay in front, Agent Puckett right behind her. They take cover behind a wall, crouching. Agent Shay, pistol up to her shoulder, breathing heavily, peeks her eye around the corner of the wall.

Sam throws her tiny black leather backpack off her shoulders, and pulls a small bomb with electronic timer out of it.

SAM (whispering): _"Look what I made in shop class."_

CARLY (whispering): _"What's that?"_

SAM (whispering): _"It's a back scratcher."_

CARLY (whispering): _"A back scratcher?"_

SAM (whispering): _"Take your shirt off."_

CARLY (whispering): _"What?! No!"_

SAM (whispering, sarcastically): _"Oh, it's alright. The bomb will blow right through your shirt."_

Carly just shakes her head.

They hear running footsteps fast approaching from the distance. Shay and Puckett have no time to lose. Carly darts off towards a staircase and runs downstairs. Sam fearlessly pivots around the corner, firing off three rounds of her silenced pistol. She vaguely sees two sentries collapsing in the dark before she quickly pivots her body back around the cover of the concrete wall. Sam, adrenaline starting to surge, runs towards the stairs, following Carly.

Carly and Sam run down a noisy metal flight of spiraling stairs. Gun fire follows them down. Carly, while swiftly in motion across the floor, returns fire up towards the metal catwalk above her with a pistol in each hand. She hears a grunt, and the metallic sound of a gun falling out of somebody's hands, clanking onto the metal floor high above her.

A door suddenly bursts open to the right, startling the two covert agents, catching them off guard. Two sentries rush in. Sam and Carly engage them in close quarters combat. Fight scene. Carly dispatches one of the men with an arm twist, a knee to the groin, and a judo chop to the kneck. Sam has trouble with her target. He punches Sam in the gut, and grabs her in a bear hug from behind, reaching for the bomb in Sam's hand.

SAM: "Carly!" Sam passes Carly the bomb. Carly catches it. Sam hunches over and flips the sentry over her shoulder, to the floor. Sam rips off a velcro portion of her black suit, and pulls out a black butter sock. She wraps it around the sentry's kneck, choking him out tightly. He stops moving.

SAM: "Carly, we have no choice now. Set the timer for thirty seconds!"

CARLY: "We got what we came for. You said no civilian casualties!"

SAM: "Carly, there's too many of them. Set the timer for thirty seconds!"

CARLY: "No, Sam I don't want to do it."

SAM: "Come on Carly."

CARLY: "Sam, I don't want to _try_ it."

SAM: "Come _on_ Carly just set the timer!"

CARLY: "I've told you so many times I don't want to try things and then..."

Carly freezes as Sam swifty draws her gun and fires two quick rounds over Carly's shoulder, taking out a sentry that had sneaked up right behind Carly. A knife drops from his hand and falls by Carly's boots.

SAM: "It's okay."

Carly firmly plants the explosive device up against the dark metal door of a locker. She sets the electronic countdown timer for thirty seconds. Carly watches the timer tick down 30, 29, 28...

CARLY: (gradually relaxing, smiling): "Oh... oh... oh that's nice." Sam nods knowingly.

SAM: "Now COME ON!" Sam and Carly run towards a fire exit, and head outside into the hot summer night as the sound of more gunfire follows them out of the building. They run for their lives across an aircraft runway, heading towards a nearby wood, no time to enjoy the fireworks display soon to go off behind them.

* * *

Sergei Rachmaninov - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Variations 19 thru 22.


End file.
